Why is it so hard to talk about ourselves?!

So, I went to these two “networking” things this week. (Btw I HATE the word “networking” with a passion. I genuinely wanted to go and get to know these people so let’s just call them events.)

It is amazing the people you meet if you aren’t afraid to say hello and strike up a conversation. You also sometimes (gasp) have to talk about yourself. 

Now that doesn’t mean you have to get all crazy braggadocious, but you do need to be open to sharing some of the incredible things you’ve done. 

Why are we always so terrified to talk about ourselves and our wins?! And why do we never think our wins are good enough?! 

I notice so many actors don’t tell other people what they are up to in their careers and they certainly don’t share their dreams and goals with enough people. 

Now of course there are the “crazymaking” few that make a bad name for us all cause they never shut up about how great they are and what they’re doing, but if you ever think to yourself, “I don’t want to brag”.

YOU ARE NOT THAT PERSON. YOU WILL NEVER BE THAT PERSON. 

If you are often told, “Stop talking about yourself. We get it”, then maybe stop reading here. 

(Stop. Seriously.) 

BUT YOU, you, need to talk about yourself and put yourself out there. How can anyone support you if they don’t know what you’re up to? What you’ve already accomplished and where you want to go? 

I admittedly still get pretty nervous in group settings when I’m put on the spot and have to share something or ask for support. My biz coach (look her up – she’s amazing) checked in with me before I spoke on our last group coaching call, “You still nervous, Jenna?” “Yup!” I said. “At least you’re consistent!”, she replied. We laughed. 

I’ve realized I do much better when I’m prepared, when I sort of know what I’m going to say. I bet you do too! We’re actors – yes, we can do improv #thankyougroundlings, but I also love a good rehearsal. I wanna know my lines and motivation in advance. Then, I can panic less, listen more and actually engage. It gives me confidence to have something prepared.

So, prepare! Know your “Fun Facts” about yourself – your quippy one liner, maybe a more vulnerable share and something you worked on/are working on that you’re proud of! I always tell my clients to have one professional thing and one personal thing to share and then people can choose what they want to engage with you on. 

For one of the events, I was at my friend’s house and she had us stand around her pool and say our names and what we do. Cue panic. 

It was technically a “Writer’s Mixer” and immediately I start thinking, “Why am I here? I’m not a writer! I was just invited ‘cause I’m friends with them and my husband’s a writer,” but then I breathe and I tell myself, “OK maybe I’m not a writer in the TV/movie sense, but I am a writer. I write a newsletter every week. I just took an essay writing class (highly recommend it – it’s at Writing Pad – let them know I sent you & fingers crossed they’ll give you a discount) and I want to eventually write a book sooooo yeah, I am a writer. And sure, it was a Writer’s Mixer, but also an industry gathering and yeah, I’m also an actor and yeah, I also help actors. And MOST of the people there were writers AND actors, or writers AND producers, or actor/writer/producers. I mean, we can do so many things. Why do we ever limit ourselves?

And why are we so scared to share our accomplishments with others and who we are???  I ended up connecting with multiple actors who were there who wanted to learn more about Actors Rise (if you’re reading now, HIIII!) and producers, directors and just cool people. It was GREAT! 

My quippy share was simply, “Hi, I’m Jenna Doolittle. I joke that I’m a Doolittle who does a lot!” (laughs) “Great, they don’t hate me,” I think to myself, and that gives me confidence to share more. 

We all have these inner monologues going on. (Women more so than men)

But a lot of us often feel like we don’t belong. 

My friend who was there who directed a multi-million dollar episode of TV and has an indie feature about to drop on HBO Max confided he gets nervous to talk about himself and what’s he’s up to career wise too! 

Then I was at another gathering with actors and I said to my friend on the way home that I had a moment where I was looking around the table and thought to myself, “Why am I here? All of these people are incredible actors. They’ve booked huge roles on big shows – series regulars, recurring guest stars, who am I to be here?” and she turns to me and says, 

“So weird you say that. I looked around the table and thought, ‘I am surrounded by all these leaders in our industry. Who am I to be here? What do I have to offer?’”

UGHHHHHhhhhh!!!! 

Why do we tell ourselves these things? We were both invited. We literally had a seat at the table and we’re inner monologuing about how we’re not good enough.

Remember, when meeting someone new, you can just share one professional and one personal thing and let the other person choose which one they want to engage with you on. 

Sharing that you just graduated your acting program and you are planning a trip to Europe are great things to tell people. 

Sharing that you are writing your own project and a quick logline about it and what in your personal life inspired it are great things to tell people. 

Sharing that you just got your very first TV audition and that you fell off your bike on the way there are great things to tell people. 

But if you don’t share, people don’t know and they won’t get to know you. They can’t help you, become your friend or laugh with you about your bike incident or whatever. If only your closest friends know what your wins are or that you started a new business or that you booked a big job it’s going to make things a lot harder for you. 

And this isn’t just about in person events. You can do this in emails to casting, your team, etc. People want personality, credibility and connection. They want to be SEEN, but it’s also more than OK to shine the light on yourself for a hot min. 

OK, I’m off my high horse for the night. Does this make sense? Do you also get nervous in groups talking about yourself? Do you enjoying “connecting” events? LMK in the comments. I always love to hear from you.