Sooooo this is the scheduled time I have to write to you…you gotta really plan things out with a baby! And eeek I don‘t have anything inspirational or insightful to say today! I don’t even remember what I did this week. Not that it was bad. I think it was good?! I got drinks and a cheese board with my gf last night – mama is making sure she goes out!
We’re headed home to Rhode Island soon. We’re going for the summer. If you’re new here, that’s where me and my husband are from. It will be the first summer home without my mom and father and law. They both passed this year.
It’s strange. I was so excited about summer – it was the shiny beacon of light getting me through the tough times and now a part of me feels the fear, the grief, the knowing I will be there and be present without them. Without them there to watch my baby see our family dock for the first time and squish his toes in the sand where I did as a kid.
That’s life though, right? It goes on.
The world keeps spinning. And we are fortunate in so many ways – my oh so stupidly cute son, our life here in LA, great friends, but there is still that pain. That loss.
I feel the need to tie this back to acting, to what this newsletter is “supposed” to be about, but I won’t lie today I’m struggling to make that connection. I’m not really acting anymore. Never say never, but I’m taking a break. Focusing on other things in my life. Following my joy. But there are things I miss… with everything we let go of in life, even by choice, we can still grieve it. There are moments when I miss taking class, working with my scene partner and really digging in or the feeling of a breakthrough or the air in the room when everyone is with you in the moment. You know what I’m talking about? Those things, I grieve. But I know they are not gone for good. There is always tomorrow. We don’t know what our futures will hold exactly. Yes, charting this new path for myself is a little scary, but also oh so exciting!
I will always be an actor, even when I am not acting.
It’s part of me. It’s in my soul, molded to my DNA at this point probably, but right now I get to focus on creating other things.
Like teaching Kingston to roll (OMG he giggles so much now and it’s literally the cutest thing ever). I’m also working on my podcast – I swear we’re actually going to release episodes for reals someday. I’m also strengthening and creating more for the Actor’s HomeBase and just processing so much change in my life this past year!
So, whether you are charting a new path for yourself, taking a break cause you wanna or taking a break cause hey, strike! know that you are always an actor. It’s OK to take a beat. Maybe create something new…who knows what might happen?! And if you’re all in on acting right now, AWESOMMMME. Enjoy that clarity and make sure you find the fun in it.
Here’s hoping you have a beautiful week, my friend.
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