Why do actors stay with abusive reps?

***Warning this post may be triggering to anyone who has been in an abusive relationship.***

I’ve had a couple clients get treated like SHIT by their managers this past week. 

I’m talking all caps emails sent to them. I’m talking sad pathetic human beings sitting behind their computers feeling small and taking it out on actors. I’m talking about a rep not paying talent. 

It is NOT OK. 

Sometimes you do need to drop them. Sometimes you need to walk away. 

I know it can be hard. I know it can be scary. I also know some of you are thinking,

 “I would never let a rep treat me like that. If I’m in that situation I’ll handle it differently,” and then all of the sudden something happens and you are in that situation and guess what? 

You stay. 

You stay ‘cause it was just one time they screamed at you. 

You stay ‘cause they got you that big audition for Netflix you “wouldn’t have gotten on your own”. 

You stay ‘cause they are “at least submitting you.” 

Why?

Why do you stay?

Two reasons. 

1. Fear.  
   “I don’t know how to get out of my contract.” 
   “I won’t be able to find anyone better. All reps are a**holes” mentality.
   “I literally don’t know how to find someone else.”
   “I don’t wanna burn any bridges in the industry.”
   …and so on. 

2. You don’t have support & no one has told you it’s OK to leave. 

I would guess you stay mostly cause #2. Cause if you have support, that fear will still be there, but you will have more confidence and help so that you can leave and find someone new. If you have guidance and people lifting you up – actor friends who really get it, a greater community, a coach or teacher, you will be more likely to move on. 

If your friend was sharing a shitty rep story with you, you would likely say to them, “Leave them! What are you doing?!” 

But left in it alone, we don’t always see the way out. 

And I’m not saying leaving is easy either. It can be really difficult. 

I know I stayed with a toxic and controlling manager for far too long. When I finally got up the courage to call him and break ties, I was SHAKING. He screamed at me that I would “never work in this industry again”. Seriously. It’s like the most cliche thing he could have said! 

It was AWFUL, but I was so relieved. And of course, I did work again. 

I had a client come to me, we’ll call her Erin, who was with her manager since she was 16 and her manager berated her about her weight, making her feel small and unworthy, making her feel like her weight was going to determine her success in the industry instead of her talent. Erin wanted to leave for years, but she had been with her manager for so long and they had built great connections together and so she felt like she owed her manager loyalty. (She did not). 

With my support, Erin finally left and when she did, she cried tears of relief.  She felt free. She felt in control. Then, we found her a new manager who respected her and understood what Erin really wanted in her career. And guess what happened next? 

She booked a series regular. (I know, right?)

When we have a team who gets us, supports us and above all respects us, magic can happen. 

Now I also want to say very clearly that there is NO SHAME in staying. It can be difficult to leave (and sometimes there are contracts to consider, but you can usually get out of them. Most reps don’t want you on their roster if you don’t want to be there – unless there’s a lot of $$$ on the table.)  I don’t want you to beat yourself up for staying. But I do want you to know that there is support out there. There are loads of supportive actors and coaches like myself who can help guide you to leave and find someone new — not to mention resources at SAG-AFTRA, the Actor’s Fund, etc. 

We all need community and support. It is a lonely thing to pursue this by yourself and I want you to have your version of Erin’s success story. 
 

Bottom line, you deserve respect. 

Woof. OK, sorry for the long serious rant, but I had to get that out. I’ve been mad about it all week.

Have you been with a rep who treated you terribly? Have you been scared to leave a rep? Let me know in the comments below!

Also, curious, do you feel like you have a strong supportive actor community? Or are you still searching? You know we have the Actors Rise FB group, but I’m also working on a new next level super special community that will be open in May – LMK if you want to be on the Interest List for it when it opens (I can’t wait!!)! I want you to know there is a place for you in this industry. 

Also, in case you missed it, here’s a little encouragement I shared on IG about forging your own path as an actor. 

Now go have a fabulous day!